AFTER THE SMOKE CLEARS "Love Bombing"

WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?

Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior in any relationship used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological, including actions or threats that influence another person. These behaviors may frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone.

When I was 16-18 years old, I spent a lot of time at my best friend's house. We were so close that I called her my sister—nothing could come between us... except for him. Toward the end of our senior year, she met a guy who was three years older than us. Naturally, dating an older guy made her feel mature. In the beginning, he showered her with gifts: flowers, diamond earrings, manicures, and clothes. Where we grew up, nobody our age could afford such “expensive” gifts, especially someone without a real job. She didn’t question how he managed to afford all these nice things; she was just thrilled to be the lucky girl receiving them.

I found it odd, and soon I noticed he started coming around almost every day and would call at all hours of the night to check on her. After only a few months, the relationship took a dark turn. He became a jerk. He even tried to buy me off with gifts and made slick comments he thought were flattering. I was absolutely not interested—not only because she was my best friend, but also because I had already seen his attitude toward her. He’d give her “love taps” and play them off as jokes, but eventually, it escalated into verbal and physical abuse.

Signs of Love Bombing:

• Excessive flattery and praise

• Over-communication of their feelings for you

• Showering you with unneeded or unwanted gifts

• Refusal to take "no" for an answer

• Making you feel overwhelmed or off-balance

  
  

I saw the aftermath: her lowered self-esteem, fear to speak, and the marks on her body. It tore me apart! How could my best friend let someone treat her like this? I was shocked and didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to get involved because she was "in love," but she was also in so much pain. I also feared he might turn his rage toward me.

As I suspected, she brushed off my concerns and made excuses for him, explaining that he had a toxic and damaging childhood. I couldn’t believe she cared more about him than her own safety and well-being.

After he manipulated her with gifts and his sob stories, he realized he didn’t need to keep giving gifts—he had her right where he wanted her: isolated from her friends and family. She became so uncomfortable and embarrassed that she began to withdraw from everyone.

Once the smoke of love bombing cleared, she realized she was in a situation that was not only alarming but possibly life-threatening.

About 1 in 12 teens experience physical dating violence (U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention).

Prevention and Preservation:

• Watch out for early signs.

• Take inventory of the relationship (use a checklist of healthy vs. unhealthy behaviors).

• Set boundaries and make them clear.

• Share your concerns with someone you trust, someone with your best interests at heart.

• Trust your gut feeling (if something feels off, it probably is).

  
  

DISCLAIMER

The "A Seed Into A Flower" brand is dedicated to supporting and empowering our community of teenage girls, as well as mothers and daughters. Our mission is to educate and raise awareness on issues that significantly affect girls and women. While much of our content is designed to be engaging, we also aim to shed light on critical issues affecting women’s lives. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Domestic violence is a serious issue that affects individuals from all walks of life, and it’s essential to be informed and vigilant. This month, we are bringing attention to Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and each week we will discuss red flags to watch for.

If you or someone you know needs help, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or text BEGIN to 88788.