Putting Out the Fire

You’re on a call with one of your friends and she is sharing some Gossip and it involves you. The word is, you’re jealous of them because they got the guy you’ve been eyeing all school year. Truth of the matter, you and the guy have been cool since before school started and you two are good friends. He sits at the lunch table with you and you compare homework during study hall…. you're just his friend-girl (homegirl). As you are listening to this nonsense, you start becoming heated because it's not the truth so now you have to defend yourself. 

How do you respond?

A. Get mad and hang up

B. Start Screaming and Yelling that’s not True

C. Takes a deep breath and responds in a calm way

D. Say whatever and move on

If you choose C you are on your way to becoming more emotionally sound.

You know, I'm not really sure where all this gossip is coming from, but I can assure you that it's not true. The guy and I have been good friends for a while now - we've been hanging out and studying during study hall. I am just his friend-girl (homegirl) and nothing more. Jealous is crazy. lol

You can also say, We are just cool and why don't we just change the subject? Tell me, how is drama class?  I'd much rather hear about what's going on in your life.

We often find the need to fly off the handle when we feel that we have to defend our character. The Question is Why? 

Is it because of human nature Or is it because we have an underlying insecurity about ourselves and our self-worth therefore we take it as a personal attack? 

In many cases, our knee-jerk reaction to become defensive is driven by a fear of being seen as less than or unworthy. We worry that if we don't go hard and defend ourselves, others will think less of us. But this approach often does more harm than good, as it can come across as aggressive and make the situation escalate further.

The rational and much healthier approach is to take a step back, breathe, and try to understand where the other person is coming from. Perhaps they didn't intend to offend us ( maybe they were) or there was a misunderstanding. By approaching the situation with empathy and an open mind, we're more likely to resolve the issue constructively.

After all, our character is not defined by how others perceive us, but by the integrity and values we uphold within ourselves. If we can learn to be secure in who we are, we won't feel the need to constantly prove ourselves to the world. We can simply respond with grace and maturity, knowing that our worth is not contingent on anyone else's opinion.

If you'd like to learn more about how to handle challenging situations with emotional intelligence and confidence, and explore tools that empower young women, check out the A Seed Into A Flowher Workbook Here.